FOF #418 - Reality as a Form of Perspective - 10.30.06
How would you deal with the sudden and random death of your lover?
In 1995 I had moved to Chicago to go to graduate school and knew almost no-one. One of my close friends at school, William Gaudiani was a beautiful, intelligent, funny, young man with a new future in graphic design. We had always made plans to meet his boyfriend Jeff Stahl but school and work got in the way and decided to have dinner together after the winter break.
When I got back from Puerto Rico that January, I called William to see how his holidays were, when his partner Jeff picked up the phone and told me that William had died in a car accident on his way home from Indiana- his car slipped on a patch of ice, tumbled and he died on the spot.
At first I thought this was some sort of odd joke William was playing on me, but after an hour on the phone I realized it was no joke. And I was floored. I wasn't ready for William to be out of my life, and made it a point to get to know his surviving partner Jeff. We became close friends in the memory of my friend and his lover William.
Eleven years later, many things have changed. Jeff now works as a therapist helping others deal with all sorts of issues, including sudden loss. Listen to today's walk through memory lane as we talk with my partner Marc Felion about kissing and passion, growing up poor on Chicago's South Side, coping with death, caramel apples and reality as a form of perspective.
Like a candy apple: delicious, sweet and nutty- its the Feast of Fools.
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Comments
Great show today! A lot to think about. I think we should live each day to the fullest and cherish our lovers, friends, and family. We should especially love our Gay brothers and sisters and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.
Said by: Cliff from Atlanta at October 30, 2006 11:50 AM
Go, Jemima! Make it to 18 and beyond, girl!
It warms my heart to hear about old dogs ...
Thanks for this show in tribute to William. Very timely, since it's All Saints/Day of the Dead. I've been remembering loved ones who have died this weekend.
I hope it isn't out of line for me to share a tribute of my own...
I don't know if anyone knew Michelle Gomez, who worked at the Andersonville Starbucks, but she was my neighbor and friend. We called her "the mayor" because she would stop and talk with anyone, and she knew everyone's name on our block at Damen & Sunnyside. She befriended everyone in our building, from our resident trannie hooker to the senior citizens who had been there forever. She was a real animal lover, no matter how ugly the animal. She fed a neighborhood possum on her back porch, rescued an oil-soaked pigeon that was walking around in the street and couldn't fly, and even adopted two huge albino lab rats that were being retired from their laboratory service. (I remember them hiding in her couch cushions!) On top of that, she had three cats and a sweet little dog who thought she was a cat, too.
She was hilarious and open and generous, and I feel lucky to have known her. She died of breast cancer two years ago. There was a tribute to her on the wall at Starbucks, but I don't know if it's still there. We miss you, Michelle.
Said by: Maia at October 30, 2006 01:37 PM
Today's show was both somber and funny -- a difficult mix to pull off. Having lived through the first wave of the AIDS crisis in the 80's, it's difficult for me to hear about these bug-chasers, though I know that they do exist. I saw a documentary about them a couple years ago. Seems that they can't deal with the uncertainty about contracting HIV, so they do the only thing that isn't uncertain; they actively try to contract it.
What they don't realize is that while medical science has made great strides in treating AIDS, there is no cure, and if you contract it, you are VERY likely to die from it.
So, play on, but always play safe, boys and girls.
And now I'll get off my soap box.
Hugs from San Francisco,
Dex
Said by: Dex at October 30, 2006 07:02 PM
Awesome show guys! I really really enjoyed hearing Jeff. I found his frank pragmatism poignant, and at times touching. It was very refreshing to hear someone speak on the interpersonal stuff and body politics without preaching or blowing smoke up our asses. Thank you, thank you, thank you for another fantastic show.
-Bully
Said by: Bully at October 30, 2006 10:35 PM
It was a great show and I know too well loosing a loved one. It is coming up on the 1 year anniversary of loosing my better half. (Larry) Thank you again for reading my letter about my ex on the FOF #253 podcast. Keep up the good work and have fun.
Said by: John Carstensen at November 2, 2006 04:46 AM
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